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John James, founder of The Grief Recovery Institute

John W. James

Founder of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve

Ask The Grief Experts

Caught Between Medical Decisions and a Broken Heart (Published 4/26/11)


I lost my father this past September. I'm writing this and not really believing it's true, still. I cry every day and night. I was very close with my dad. He had cancer. Doctors told him if he got chemo, he could have 5 more years of life. I believe now, and also then, that chemo is used for monetary gain, as my father only lived a year. It destroyed his immune system.

Why didn't they just tell my dad at his age he'd probably have a better quality of life without the chemo? I guess I know that answer-GREED. They gave my wonderful dad false hope. I remember my dad saying those exact words with tears in his eyes. I keep thinking over and over again in my head, if only I could have had my dad for 5 more years. He did not look his age. He was full of life and had been healthy all his life. He wasn't even on any medication. Instead of covering their behinds (the doctors), they should be honest with people and not just think of the almighty dollar. Sorry for writing so much, but I'm afraid I will never be happy again.

My daughter is 23 years old and is moving away from home (my only child), so it is my mom who I will be around with the most, which is difficult, because it is a very hard time for her. They would have been married 60 years in October. Does the hurt and pain ever go away?

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